A Friend To You
by NearaMalfore
Summary: As Naruto grew up, he had no friends. In a present day world, see just how he and his friends meet and what comes after. Yes, this is reposted, but it has been added to.
1. Beginnings

**_This story has been reposted from my other account and has been edited slightly._**

This story is basically a narration of my life. Basically. I hope you enjoy it (and I won't be offended if you don't; life isn't always enjoyable).

* * *

Everyone I'm friends with now, I met in the last five. . .how many years? If I moved here in third grade, never really talked to anyone until sixth. . .

My first friend was this girl in sixth grade. She was shy, and could never look me in the eye.

Her name was Hinata.

She worked up her courage (it must have taken days) and walked up to me in class one day.

"I-I need to talk to you. C-can you meet me in lunch?"

And so I did. We hid off to the side, behind the stage, folded up in the curtains, hidden from the world.

"O-one of my friends says. . .says you. . .like me. . ."

The statement hung in the air.

"I don't even know you. Sorry."

And that was that.

In World History one day, she was reading a book. She looked up at me and offhandedly said:

"You might like this stuff."

I peeked at the book. It was about ninja's and their weapons.

I reached into the neck of my sweatshirt and took out the dulled, miniature version of a shuriken that hung around my throat, putting it into plain sight.

"Beat you to it."

And then she giggled.

From that day forward, all I could talk about was me and my friend Hinata.

0o0o0

In my Study Hall, there was this little dark haired boy. He was always hunched over, drawing or writing, or something like that. He never really paid attention to what was going on.

"Hey, what's that?" I finally asked one day.

He looked up, distracted. "Picture. . ." he said vaguely, before bending over it once more.

All throughout Elementary school, I'd been the best artist around. But _he_ was amazing. My work was pathetic.

As we packed up at the end of the period, he glanced up at me, and saw I was still staring at his picture. He carefully signed his initials on the bottom and held it out to me. "Do you want this?"

Gratefully, I took it, getting a better look. The initials read:

_S. U._

_0o0o0_

I found Gym class to be exceptionally boring. There was basically no point to it. Why force unwilling semi-teens to run in circles or throw and hit balls?

We played baseball one day.

I was way out in center. The little dark haired boy who I didn't really know, whose initials I couldn't quite remember now, stood somewhere to my left, only a few feet away.

I stared at the sky, at the ground, my shoes, I counted all the blades of grass I could distinguish. . .There were only a few clouds that day. Mostly it was just a blue, sunny sky.

I heard the crack of a bat and then a whoosh of air and a thud.

I turned my head as fast as I could. There, on the ground, was that dark haired boy. He was curled in a tight ball, and I heard him whimpering.

"Hey--are you alright?" I hesitantly stepped towards him.

The whole class was suddenly surrounding us. The coach shoved his way through the crowd.

"Out of the way! Let him breathe!" He knelt beside the boy, trying to get him to sit up. "You all right?"

The boy had been hauled up and his eyes were tearing because of whatever pain he was in. He slowly shook his head.

"Alright." The coach looked around and pointed at me. "Walk him to the nurse. Everyone else, get back to your places."

Slowly, we walked towards the school building.

The boy who I didn't know was weaving about, hunched over slightly, face pinched in pain.

I kept glancing in his direction, at his face, hoping for some suggestion as to what to do.

Should I touch his arm?

Talk?

What should I do?

In all honesty, I was scared. I wished I knew him, because then this would be less awkward. People get brought to the nurse by caring friends, not total strangers.

We entered the building, slowly made our way through the locker room, the boy still weaving about.

He held his belongings loosely as we made our way to the nurses office.

I left him at the door, and then headed back outside to gym, without saying a word.

0o0o0

We went on a grade wide trip in sixth grade.

On the trip, you went away to a camp site for an entire week.

Hinata's parents wouldn't let her go, although they let her sister.

I had no friends with me, and would have really enjoyed the time if I had some.

I sat on my bunk during the free time, after I'd showered, right before dinner.

The dark haired boy who I didn't know sat a bunk away, reading.

0o0o0

Seventh grade, first period English Language Arts.

In front of me sat this boy.

Choji.

In front of him was this other boy. The dark haired one from last year.

Sasuke.

I'd finally learned his name.

Choji's locker was the one directly to the right of mine. I talked to him on occasion, while packing up.

"He's mean," Hinata said one day, watching Choji walk to the bus.

"You know him?"

"Ahuh. I have to go, or I'll miss my bus. Bye!"

The next day in class, I tapped Choji on the shoulder when I was passing him papers, and then the second time, I said his name to catch his attention.

He wasn't mean. He was actually very sweet.

From that day forward, I had two friends.

Hinata and Choji.

0o0o0

"Hey you. Blondie. Sit with me at lunch. You look lonely. I don't like lonely people."

I stared at the back of that red head of hair as it walked away.

Gaara.

Huh.

I knew him pretty well. He was in some of my classes.

Maybe just French, actually. . .

Was it odd that I didn't sit with my friends at lunch?

Maybe I should?

But I don't even know where they sit. . .

From that day forward, I had three friends.

Hinata, Choji, and Gaara.

0o0o0

Hinata was in my Home Economics class, but no seats were open near her.

I sat across from this girl with brown hair, and, for the life of me, can't remember her name.

She saw me in lunch two days after she met me, and she sat with me. She did that for a while. Then she said I should go sit with her other group of friends.

After a week of her asking, I followed.

And what do you know?

There were Hinata and Choji, surrounded by all the people they knew.

The girl moved later that year, but I didn't notice. She was just a bridge.

From that day forward, I sat with my friends.

0o0o0

I don't know when it started, but I talked a lot with Sasuke.

I can't remember _any_ important conversations.

I just know that by the end of seventh grade, we knew one another very well.

From that grade forward, I had four friends.

Hinata, Choji, Gaara, and Sasuke.

0o0o0

"I don't like that guy."

I couldn't help but frown at Gaara. "Why not?"

"I don't know."

Shikamaru was someone I knew from Band.

All my other friends knew him.

0o0o0

Eighth grade.

I had first period Math with Sasuke, and this girl I knew last year from the lunch table.

Sakura.

Second period English was fun. It was with Sasuke, Sakura, and Choji.

I had third period Tech with Hinata.

Fourth period French with another girl I'd met last year, Temari.

Fifth period Earth Science was with Sasuke, Sakura, and Choji, once again.

Every other day I had Study Hall with Hinata at sixth period. On those other days, I had Band with Sasuke.

I didn't really talk to Shikamaru.

Seventh period was lunch. Everyone was there.

Eighth period was History. I was with who I had dubbed 'the class people'.

Sasuke, Sakura, and Choji.

Last period was music or art for three days and then gym for three more days, in alternating cycles.

It was also with 'the class people'.

My friends.

0o0o0

Choji moved about two months into the school year.

I still talk to him.

We call each other on the phone, and talk for hours.

I've even called out of the blue and asked if he was free and could come over.

Three hour drives make no difference. He comes every time.

Because he is my friend.

0o0o0

"If you are in Honors World History, do you know what you are?"

The whole class stared at the teacher.

"You are a nerd. Got that? _You are a nerd_. Get over it. Now, you also are joined up in a club. It's complimentary. It's also mandatory."

And so began National History Day preparations.

I grouped myself with Sasuke and Sakura.

For months, we researched our particular topic. Marjory Stoneman Douglass. She's the woman who saved Florida's Everglades.

Besides that, you can't find any information on her.

But my friends and I stuck with it.

0o0o0

"Swing dancing. Any questions?"

Once again, the whole class was staring. This time it was at our music teacher.

"Either pick a partner, or you will be assigned one. And remember, they'll be your partner for a couple weeks."

A quiet murmur filled the room.

"Hey Naruto?"

I turned my head.

"I know we're both guys and everything, but if we're allowed, do you want to be my partner?"

I considered for a moment, before nodding at the dark haired boy behind me.

"Alright, Sai."

From that day forward, I had seven friends.

Hinata, Choji, Gaara, Sasuke, Sakura, Temari, and Sai.

0o0o0

National History Day.

After months of preparation, we were going to the contest.

You showed off your research.

Our group made this huge display.

Sai made a research paper all by himself. If we'd have been as good of friends earlier this year, we would have loved to have included him in our group.

"Your project sucks, Sakura." Ino said with a huge grin.

She liked to tease Sakura.

Sakura's only response happened to be in the form of mental torture as she slowly ripped away Ino's confidence in her own project.

At the end of the day, my group came away with an award for the best use of pictures and sources.

"I guess printing the bibliography one hundred times paid off. . ." I had commented.

Sasuke and Sakura laughed, but I knew they saw how serious I was.

Just me and my friends.

0o0o0

Sasuke just wasn't getting the hang of Earth Science this year.

He switched out of the class.

Now our schedules had changed a bit, but he was still in most of my classes.

I had Sai to make up for it, though, so that helped fill in the gap.

One friend for another. . .

0o0o0

Band day trip.

Out the door early in the morning, sit on the bus for hours. . .

Sasuke was my partner, and we passed the time with aimless chatter.

Throughout the day, he tried to get me to go on a ride, something that went way up into the sky, but I wouldn't go.

I was afraid.

After the day had gone by, we sat in the dark on the bus, listening to my cd player.

Sasuke fell asleep on my shoulder.

And I let him.

I didn't mind.

He was my best friend.

0o0o0

End of the school year.

Next year we'd be in High School.

It was the formal dance.

Everything was dark, and the world pulsated with loud, pounding music.

I didn't dance a lot, despite my friends, who tried to get me to.

Surprisingly, Sasuke danced well.

This random guy ran up to us in the middle of the dance. We talked for a while. Seems we knew each other.

His name was Lee.

From the end of Middle School forward, I had eight friends.

Hinata, Choji, Gaara, Sasuke, Sakura, Temari, Sai, and Lee.

0o0o0

Gaara moved that summer.

I haven't seen him since then, although we have exchanged a few e-mails.

0o0o0

First day of High School.

We're all over the place now.

Hinata is on my bus. So is Temari. But she rarely comes to school as it is.

Class wise, I only have Band and lunch with Sasuke.

No one else.

Suddenly, I find myself really missing my friends.

0o0o0

In lunch today, this guy by the name of Kiba shows up.

We know him from Middle School lunch.

From that day forward, Kiba sat with Sasuke and I.

I now have nine friends.

Hinata, Choji, Gaara, Sasuke, Sakura, Temari, Sai, Lee, and Kiba.

0o0o0

It turns out that Ino is in a lot of my classes. I enjoy her company, but I feel like I'm just using her.

She's someone I somewhat know, because I hate being alone.

I wish she was really my friend, but she's not

0o0o0

I finally struck up a conversation with Shikamaru the other day during band.

Sai and Sasuke joined in.

Shikamaru's actually a lot of fun to be around.

I don't care what Gaara said way back then.

Another friend.

0o0o0

Global History.

No one's in my class, but my teacher assigned a video project, and he says we can get together with people in his other classes.

I don't even need to be asked.

I get put in a group with Sasuke, Sai, and these two other people I don't know that well, Tenten and Shino.

All in all, the making of this project was one of my most valuable memories.

Who knew you could make such a hilarious parody out of the Black Plague?

0o0o0

Lunch.

Kiba started talking about the Mayan predictions for the end of the world.

2012.

This was the most interesting conversation I've _ever _participated in.

I'd never trade the memories or inside jokes it's given rise to.

They only make sense to me and my friends, though.

0o0o0

Second Band Day Trip.

This year, Sasuke managed to get me on a whole bunch of rides.

And not just kiddie rides. Actual rides. Rollercoaster's. Three or four of them; I can't remember now.

Last year, I was afraid of the _idea_ of getting on a rollercoaster.

Jokingly, I said that Sasuke was my rollercoaster therapist.

The name stuck.

My friend is a rollercoaster therapist. . .

0o0o0

End of the year.

Freshman Formal.

I called Choji up and invited him to come. He showed up, which went without saying.

Just about everyone went.

It took some coaxing, but I managed to dance a bit.

By the end of the night, I wanted nothing more than the planet to stop spinning on its axis.

Everyone felt it.

We were friends, and didn't need to say it.

0o0o0

This summer went by too fast.

Everyone got together all the time, though.

As often as we could, we would have somewhat impromptu 'parties'.

Meaning that ten plus people would show up randomly at a selected house.

This was the Summer of Fun, between us friends.

0o0o0

Kiba has a crush on Sasuke.

I bothered Sakura just enough after she said she knew who Kiba liked, and she told me.

Weird as it is. . .I saw it coming.

0o0o0

I got the surprise of my life last week.

Sasuke and Sakura have a thing for one another.

Supposedly.

But Sasuke won't tell his parents.

He's afraid of what they'll think.

I'll help him keep it a secret, because he's my friend.

0o0o0

Sophomore year.

I have first period with this guy I met last year.

Neji.

I'm not too sure about him yet.

Sometimes Shikamaru and Sai are there, but only on certain days.

I have English second period with Sakura and Sai.

Third period Math with Ino.

Fourth period Chem with Tenten.

Fifth period Band (my retreat period) with Sasuke.

Sixth period French. No one is in my class. Almost literally. There are only ten kids on a day when everyone is there; and that's including me.

I have Global with Lee.

Last period is my mix period. I have gym, or Chem lab, or Study Hall, with Tenten and Lee.

I didn't know these two very well, but now I'm getting to know them very well.

I guess you can say we really _are_ friends now.

0o0o0

Sasuke and Sakura announced that they were dating yesterday.

Sasuke still won't tell his parent's, though.

I can't help but smile when I see them together.

They look happy.

0o0o0

About two days after Sasuke and Sakura made their announcement, I got another shock.

_Neji and Kiba._

_They _were dating.

No one has a problem with it.

It was just kind of. . .surprising.

0o0o0

Study Hall.

Sai was writing, when he suddenly looked up. His face was thoughtful. "You don't think Kiba's dating Neji to try and make Sasuke jealous, do you?"

I couldn't even reply.

I just let the idea roll around my mind.

What happened to my friends?

0o0o0

I was sick for a day last week.

One single day.

And everyone was worried.

I never get sick.

When I came back in on Thursday, everyone ran up to me and hugged me.

I guess they had worst case scenarios running through their minds.

Because they are my friends, and they care.

0o0o0

On Friday, I was waiting for everyone to pack up after school.

I felt a tug on my sleeve.

"Naruto."

I turned my head.

Sasuke was looking about worriedly.

"Yeah?"

"I need to talk to you."

I nodded, and he met my eyes.

"I think I'm going to break up with Sakura."

I _know_ I had this totally clueless, deer-caught-in-the-headlights look on my face. "Oh."

At this point, Sakura came up beside us.

"What are you guys talking about?" she asked.

"Nothing." Sasuke muttered quickly, starting to walk to the bus.

Sakura chased after him, grabbing at his hand. He casually folded his arms across his chest. I hurried to walk between them.

"You _were_ talking about me, weren't you?" she asked with a pout.

Sasuke looked terrified of telling her what he thought.

So I did the only thing I could do. "Yes, we were. Your forehead is huge. Why did you put your hair up like that?"

Sakura was hurt by this.

Sasuke was relieved.

I lied to one of my friends to protect another.

0o0o0

'_Okay, so here's what's going on. _

_I think I'm going to break up with Sakura. . ._

_I mean, sometimes I regret becoming her boyfriend._

_I really wish we had just stayed friends._

_My feelings are kind of ebbing away, pretty much. (Just a crush, I guess?)_

_I don't really feel a connection there. She's not that type of person, and unfortunately, I have only just realized that._

_(I see her differently now than I did before. . .)_

_And. . .frankly, she annoys me sometimes. . ._

_I was talking to Temari about it, and she said to list the pros and cons. The thing is, the cons outnumbered the pros. Like, by a lot._

_I feel really bad about hiding it from my parents. I can't do it anymore. It's painful._

_I feel bad about breaking her heart like this, but I'm really considering breaking up with her. I'm not going to stay with her if I wake up in the morning and am not happy._

_Hopefully, she'll still want to be my friend. I really don't want to lose her as a friend, but I don't think I want anything more than that._

_What's your opinion? _

_Your distressed friend,  
Sasuke_'

I reread his e-mail time and time again.

I'd never dated anyone. What should I say?

After a while, I started writing.

'_I suck when it comes to this kind of thing. . ._

_If you want to call it off, call it off. _

_If she really cares about you like she thinks she does, she would understand, and as clichéd as it seems, she'd let you go._

_In my mind, anyway._

_Were you ever really together? Or did you just say you were boyfriend and girlfriend, and that was it?_

_Anyway, I'm a fan of the direct approach (as always). . .just flat out tell her that you think you had a crush on her and it's going away, but you still want to be friends with her._

_I wish I was better at advice!_

_I'm going to have to think about it. . ._

_Always willing to listen and help,  
Your best friend,  
Naruto_'

0o0o0

The weekend has passed.

Sasuke is scared of how Sakura will react. He still hasn't told her that he wants to break up.

She still thinks they are going strongly.

Now that I know what's going on in Sasuke's mind, I can see things that I didn't notice before.

That slight roll of his eyes every time Sakura grabs his hand, or arm, or even his leg if they're sitting. The way he hesitates before giving her a hug. How he stopped giving her a kiss on the cheek at least two weeks ago.

He's been thinking about this for a while.

I can only hope that my friends come through whole, and that I don't lose any of them.

0o0o0

Late last night, before going to bed, I was thinking.

This thinking turned itself into a poem.

It sums up my feelings, and I wouldn't have it any other way. . .

_**A Friend To You**_

_Have you ever stopped to wonder just what a friend was?_

_Who do you consider a friend?_

_The person you talk to on the bus?_

_The girl you met in first grade?_

_That one person who sits across the classroom that you talk to,_

_the one you 'like'?_

_Your brother? Sister? Mother? Father?_

_Your teacher? The dog that sleeps at the foot of your bed?_

_How often has someone asked you who you were friends with?_

_Do you rattle off a long list of names? Does that list number more than ten?_

_Or can you count these friends on two hands? How about one?_

_Do you know what makes them your friend?_

_Do you talk to them on occasion?_

_Meet out of school?_

_Always make sure they're your partner for a project?_

_Do you gossip? Tell jokes?_

_I can tell you what a friend in a perfect world would be._

_They are those people you want, need, to talk to every day._

_They are the people you always notice when they are there,_

_when they are not._

_Without a word, you know what they think,_

_what they feel._

_You will always tell them what's on your mind,_

_because you have nothing to fear._

_They are the people who you don't want to see,_

_and as soon as you see them, you don't want them to leave._

_You can rely on them, because no matter what height you fall from,_

_you know that they will always catch you._

_They don't feed you the lies they think you want to hear;_

_they give you the truth, no matter how bitter._

_You care for them so much it hurts to try to fathom it._

_You will defend them,_

_no matter what the toll._

_You never argue or fight, you never decide you're finished,_

_because you know one another so well that fighting is simply pointless._

_They accept you and you accept them,_

_despite the faults everyone has and everyone hides._

_You want time to stop,_

_because years are going by and you don't want them to disappear._

_You may like your solitude from time to time,_

_and you know they will be there to offer silent companionship._

_Whether you're hurting, crying, angry at the world at large,_

_they know exactly what to do._

_That sympathetic shoulder to lean against, _

_the smile to chase away fears, _

_the hug meant to cheer you up or just plain say 'Hello',_

_are all simple actions that help maintain your balance._

_Because in a perfect world,_

_that is what a friend is._

_They provide the sanity, _

_and the little bits of insanity,_

_the exact recipe to keep you whole._

_Does your definition come close?_

_Are you whole?_

_I know I have my perfect world,_

_so how about you? _

_This oneshot was dedicated to my Hayya; My friends._

_Mostly, it was for my Sasuke, who was having some trouble, as you can see._

_Update: Sasuke and Sakura __**did**__ in fact break up with one another. As of when this was written, they were back to being just friends. _

_There is also another chapter to this in the making. Let's just see where life ends up taking me. . ._


	2. Learning, Liking, Loving, Losing

_Hey everyone! It's Rhea-chan, and this is my new account. I'm kinda back . . . actually I'm just posting this. I haven't really been writing any of my fanfics because . . . well, you'll see. _

_Just to clear up a few things . . . this story is **my** story. In other words, it's what happens in my life. So, some strange things are bound to happen._

_My random little fact of the day: If I make all the pairings that have happened in my life, we're going to get a few strange ones._

_Okay . . . ummm . . . the format here is going to be a little different than the first chapter. There's a bunch of IM chats and things like that in the middle._

_On that note, here's a list of the different screen names used and who they are. For everyone's sake, I made the IM names and forum names the same._

_**Tokala-Neuf **-- Naruto  
**Cherry Blossoms **-- Sakura  
**Sandman **-- Gaara  
**Lazy Genius**-- Shikamaru  
**Karasu **-- Sasuke  
**GreenBeast** -- Lee  
**TheAllSeeing **-- Neji_

_--_

**Chapter 2: Learning, Liking, Loving, Losing**

Now think a little . . .

When was your last 'perfect' day?

Do you ever sit and stare, write and erase, type and delete, because you just can't think straight?

0o0o0

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
To show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright . . ._

0o0o0

"Sakura! Let go!"

The Summer of Fun, year 2007. It seems so far back now.

"I mean it! Naruto! Make her stop!"

A threatening advance and Sakura squeals and drops Sasuke's arm, swimming away. Kiba snickers, Shikamaru shakes his head.

Five minutes later . . .

"Sakura! Let go! Naruto!"

0o0o0

_To a rocket I've been tied  
I'm ready for this screaming ride  
It's full of fuel and I just lit the fuse  
I'm a raging, burning, ring of fire  
And I get hotter as I get higher  
And I'm tearing a hole right through this sky of blue . . ._

0o0o0

Sasuke's house. Summer party.

"Sakura! Stop doing that!"

The girl has been grabbing Sasuke's arm and dragging him around the pool. She doesn't appear to notice how much this annoys him, no matter how many times he tells her to stop.

I frowned at her. Then I glared. Sakura wasn't paying attention, so I waded over and grabbed Sasuke when she tried to drag him away again.

The girl let go of his arm and swam away. Sasuke floundered for a moment before regaining his footing. I stared after Sakura, then glanced back at Sasuke.

They say it hits you like a ton of bricks.

It does.

I sank below the surface of the water and held myself down. Somewhere, unconsciously, I was sure I was wishing that I'd just drown.

"You made a funny sound when you went under," Sakura informed with a giggle.

I wiped the water from my eyes and flicked the hair off my face.

I glanced across the pool at Sasuke as he scowled at Sakura, who was trying to drag him once again.

This marked that innocent day in my life. In my English class, we would probably define it in my hero journey as 'Crossing the First Threshold'.

Crossing the threshold into the world where I knew that I had a crush on my best friend.

Let's head back toward the present, shall we?

0o0o0

_Photographs of the best time you had  
Windows smudged by the speed  
Leaving home with our bags from Iron Street  
As morning turned into California . . ._

0o0o0

Sophomore Year, 2007-2008.

"Naruto . . . I don't want to do this. Please . . . I don't want -- "

"Okay, here's the deal. I have a lesson seventh, so I'm out of class then. I'll ask Hatake if I can cut my lesson short. So I'll come down to lunch at . . . 11:30 to be with you. Is that alright?"

My friend nodded, sighing in relief as we left the band room. I'm not sure exactly why, but he was almost out of his mind with worry. Well, I did know why, but I couldn't figure out why _exactly_. He was going to break up with Sakura today. He'd been putting it off for the last two . . . three days.

So that was how I managed to find myself sharing a seat with Sasuke at lunch when I couldn't find an extra chair. Temari sat beside him (in her own chair, of course), and she talked to him about whatever crossed her mind. Sakura walked over to us every few minutes to bother Sasuke before heading back across the room to talk to her 'other' group of friends.

After every time she paid us a visit, Sasuke would start to complain about how he couldn't break up with her, because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. His resolve to do so would be back just in time for Sakura to wander back over and make it dissolve once again.

"I'm going to do it at 11:55," he finally announced. "If I do it, I don't want to have to sit around with her."

11:55 rolled around, followed shortly afterwards by the bell at 12. Sasuke hesitantly followed after Sakura and grabbed her arm.

"Can we . . . talk?"

Temari and I grabbed Kiba and walked passed the other two as quickly as we could so they could have some privacy.

Five minutes later, I didn't know how Sakura had taken the break up, because eighth period had started. Lee ran up to me, followed closely by Tenten. We had gym together today.

The three of us worried the entire period away.

When I finally saw Sasuke at the end of the day, I had to stop for a moment. He was smiling and looked happy.

"How did it go?" I finally asked.

"Fine. She said that she had been thinking the same thing. That she didn't feel the same things that she used to."

0o0o0

_I'm a believer, nothing could be worse,  
All these imaginary friends,  
Hiding betrayal, driving the nail,  
Hoping to find a savior,  
No, don't, leave me to die here,  
Help me survive here alone,  
don't, surrender, surrender_

_Put me to sleep evil angel  
Open your wings evil angel, oohh  
Fly over me evil angel  
Why can't I breathe evil angel . . ._

0o0o0

**Tokala-Neuf:** So how are you?  
**Cherry Blossoms: **ok. why?  
**Tokala-Neuf: **Just wondering. So you thought that you and Sasuke were drifting already?  
**CherryBlossoms:** oh  
**CherryBlossoms:** that  
**CherryBlossoms: **you want to kno the deal?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Sure.  
**CherryBlossoms: **ok. so when we started dating  
**CherryBlossoms: **temari told me  
**CherryBlossoms:** "if you break his heart ill break you"  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Pleasant.  
**CherryBlossoms:** i wanted to call it off a while now.  
**Tokala-Neuf: **So you didn't because you thought he still liked you and Temari would hurt you?  
**CherryBlossoms: **xactly  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Huh.

0o0o0

_I've lived in this place and I know all the faces  
Each one is different but they're always the same  
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it  
They'll never allow me to change  
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong  
I'm movin' on . . ._

0o0o0

**Sandman:** Hey there. I haven't talked to you in a while.  
**Tokala-Neuf: **Gaara? Nice screen name. How are you?  
**Sandman:** Oh, you know. Pretty good.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Me too.  
**Sandman: **So how's Sasuke? Shika mentioned the breakup. Is he doing alright?  
**Tokala-Neuf: **Uhhh . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf: **He's fine. Honestly, never been better.  
**Tokala-Neuf: **I think.  
**Sandman:** That's great. You know, that's probably why I haven't ever really done the date thing.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Huh.  
**Sandman:** There's this really cute girl in some of my classes, and I like her, but I don't know her. Any advice?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Advice?! You're kidding.  
**Sandman:** Am not. Come on, you're great with advice.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Okay . . .  
**Sandman:** . . .  
**Sandman: **. . . Naruto?  
**Sandman:** Hello? Where did you go?  
**Sandman:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Sorry. Mom called.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** So . . . advice . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I don't know about anything 'dating', but I can help you with the getting-to-know part.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Random smiling. Whenever she is looking at you, give her a smile. A NICE smile, not anything creepy. After a while, she'll do it back. Then you can say 'hi' and talk a bit. This could take a few weeks, though.  
**Sandman:** Smile?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Yeah.  
**Sandman:** Do I HAVE to smile at her? Is that the only way to start talking?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** You could just go up to her and start randomly speaking. Does she even have a name?  
**Sandman:** . . . um . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** You don't know her name.  
**Sandman:** Nope.  
**Tokala-Neuf: **facepalm headdesk x50  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Why don't we name her?  
**Sandman:** Okay.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Your girl, you start.  
**Sandman:** . . .  
**Sandman:** Rosy.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Are you kidding?!  
**Sandman:** Nope.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Okay . . .  
**Sandman:** Wait!!  
**Tokala-Neuf:** How about . . .  
**Sandman:** I found it!  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Rosy the Gorgeous. Does that fit? That sounds retarded.  
**Sandman: **I found her! She's in my sisters' yearbook!  
**Tokala-Neuf:** What's her name?  
**Sandman:** . . .  
**Sandman: **Gable McPearson.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** snicker  
**Sandman:** Let's just call her Rosy the Gorgeous. That sounds better. I like that name.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** What can I say? Between the two of us, we have great taste.  
**Sandman:** Speaking of having great taste . . . who do you like?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . . no one, really.  
**Sandman:** That wasn't a very convincing " . . . no one really".  
**Tokala-Neuf:** No one. Doesn't matter.  
**Sandman: **Who?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Seriously. It doesn't matter.  
**Sandman:** WHO?!  
**Tokala-Neuf: **Well . . .  
**Sandman:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** You can't tell anyone.  
**Sandman:** Never.  
**Tokala-Neuf: **. . . Sasuke?  
**Sandman:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Is that a good " . . . " or a bad " . . . "?  
**Tokala-Neuf: **Gaara?

**Sandman signed off at 10:43 pm.**

**Tokala-Neuf:** Thanks. That's great. Thanks a lot.

**Sandman signed on at 10:45 pm.**

**Tokala-Neuf:** You back?  
**Sandman:** Yeah. Sorry.  
**Sandman:** Wow.  
**Sandman: **You . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE!!  
**Sandman:** I won't.  
**Sandman:** So you're like . . . gay or something?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Or something.  
**Sandman:** ?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Bi.  
**Sandman:** Oh. Awesome. I knew a bi person once . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Me?  
**Sandman:** . . . yeah. Right. I guess so. Anyway . . .  
**Sandman:** Have you told him yet?  
**Tokala-Neuf: **. . . told him?  
**Sandman: **Sasuke.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Why would I do that?  
**Sandman:** You have to!  
**Tokala-Neuf:** No I don't.  
**Sandman:** Why not?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I . . . just don't.  
**Sandman:** Okay. Fine.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I don't have to.  
**Sandman:** I know that now.  
**Sandman: **. . . Naruto?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Yeah?  
**Sandman:** On a scale of one to ten, rate me.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** What?  
**Sandman:** Am I attractive, average, or ugly?  
**Sandman:** It'll be fun.  
**Sandman:** . . .  
**Sandman:** You don't have to do that either.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Eight.  
**Sandman:** Really?  
**Tokala-Neuf: **Yes. Gaara?  
**Sandman:** Yup?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Night. Talk to you next Saturday. Same time.  
**Sandman: **Okay. And I know you don't want to, but think about a way to tell Sasuke.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I guess . . .

**Tokala-Neuf signed off at 11:03 pm.**

0o0o0

_I have my doubts  
I have my doubts  
And so does everybody else  
So help me take this all away  
You gotta help me take this all away  
Please help me take this all away  
And bleed like me  
So help me take this all away  
You gotta help me take this all away  
Please help me take this all away  
And bleed like me . . ._

0o0o0

About three days later . . .

**Lazy Genius:** What's wrong? You sounded stressed.  
**Tokala-Neuf: **I need to tell you something. I told Gaara, but he's too far away to really do anything.  
**Lazy Genius: **. . . what's wrong?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Promise that you won't tell.  
**Lazy Genius:** It depends on what you're telling me.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** What?  
**Lazy Genius:** Never mind. What?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Promise you won't tell.  
**Lazy Genius:** Fine.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I think . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . . that I like . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf: **. . . Ssomeone.  
**Lazy Genius:** Who?**  
****Tokala-Neuf:** Why does everyone always ask that?  
**Lazy Genius:** . . .  
**Lazy Genius:** Who do you like?  
**Tokala-Neuf: **Sasuke.  
**Lazy Genius:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Don't freak out!  
**Lazy Genius:** I wasn't. Was that so bad now?  
**Tokala-Neuf: **. . . no. It was easier than when I told Gaara.  
**Lazy Genius:** Huh.  
**Lazy Genius:**How are you going to tell him?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I SHOULD TELL HIM?!  
**Lazy Genius:** Unrequited love is no good.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf: **. . . I'm not telling him.  
**Lazy Genius:** Why not?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I don't want to screw everything up.  
**Lazy Genius:** What do you mean?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** What if telling him creeps him out? What if he never wants to see me again?  
**Lazy Genius: **Naruto, this is Sasuke we're talking about. Do you honestly think that he'll hate you?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . . no. But I don't want ANYTHING to change.  
**Lazy Genius: **Don't worry. Wasn't Lee saying this morning that the day you and Sasuke aren't best friends is the day the world ends?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Yeah. Thanks for reminding me.  
**Lazy Genius:** No problem.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** So . . .  
**Lazy Genius:** . . . ?  
**Tokala-Neuf: **How do I tell him?  
**Lazy Genius:** . . .  
**Lazy Genius:** Subtle hints?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Subtle hints? Okay. I can work something into the next chapter of my story. I know he wants to read it. Will that work?  
**Lazy Genius: **Maybe a little. It could desensitize him to the idea.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Thanks. I have to go. See you tomorrow.  
**Lazy Genius:** Night.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Night.

**Tokala-Neuf signed off at 9:45 pm.**

0o0o0

_That's just how it goes,  
Don't you think I know,  
You don't have to tell it to my face,  
I won't stop the show,  
I just let it flow,  
You don't have to tell it to my face . . ._

0o0o0

Really, it was a few weeks after Sasuke broke up with Sakura that our world started to tremble.

On a forum on this website we used, we really started to notice changes in people -- in _a_ person, really.

--

**CherryBlossoms: **lol . . . im just wondering, , ,have u decided if u were bisexual? . . .  
**Karasu:** And you care . . . why?  
**CherryBlossoms: **Just wanted to know if im gona to c u w/ any1. Guys 2gether is wrong  
**Karasu: **I HAVE **NOT** DECIDED.  
**CherryBlossoms: **lol . . . i bet u have decided but dont wana tell us  
**Karasu:** No. I just find it very personal.  
**CherryBlossoms: **so then uve decided but u dont wana tell every1  
**GreenBeast:**So what if he is/isn't bi? I'd still love Sasuke just the same! :huggles: And honestly, who cares? In my opinion, we should just give homosexuals and bisexuals the same marriage rights as any American. I mean, we granted women's suffrage, abolished slavery, and other things, so why can't we do this? The only reason politicians aren't a;;owing them to be married legally or whatever is probably because they aren't educated enough by it or they believe its immoral after reading the Bible. YOU ARENT GONNA GO TO HELL FOR BEING GAY/BI! I think that as long as you're an overall decent person, you should go to Heaven. I could be wrong, but oh well. Just felt like ranting.  
**Lazy Genius: **And here's another thing. I'm not Christian, but if God made everyone in his image, why are they gay in the first place? God wants people to be happy and live good lives.  
**Tokala-Neuf: **I second that (or third . . . I'm not sure).  
**CherryBlossoms: **first of all gay people are born gay, its not their choice so i respect taht aspect of it. But i also must say that i dont support gay people. It is my choice and u should respect my decision. and Lee, politicions go to college for many years and most of them have phd's  
**GreenBeast: **Highfives Naru and Shika. "If I'm bicurious, then God must be a little bicurious himself". As for Sakuras response: BARGH!! :scream: headesk and bleeds from the nose. Naru told me to tell you that hes now ignoring you cuz you said that. Hes EXTREMELY pissed off at you. And by extremely, I mean EXTREMELY. Like this!

:insert picture of angry wet cat:

And you DO know how cats hate water. Well in my opinion, that's what Naru said about your opinion. People are not BORN gay! Just like not everyone is born blind, deaf, or with diabetes. Sure, some people are born with that but not EVERYONE.  
**CherryBlossoms: **well u should still accept my oppinion as i accept yours every1 is able to have their own thoughts  
**LazyGenius: **Alright. Sakura, I respect your opinion, but I don't agree with it. I believe it was Voltaire who said something like "I don't agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." You can say what you want, but we don't have to agree with it. It's sort of what debating is all about. I respect your right to Freedom of Speech as set forth in the Bill of Rights of the Constitution.

What I DO ask though, is if you can elaborate on how you don't support gays. I don't mean to be offending or anything, but I would appreciate it if you would define/clarify/explain what you mean.

Now, another thing. I received this in a personal email yesterday. I will not disclose how this topic came up, but I will disclose the quote.

**Quote: **"It may be helpful to know that just about all experts believe someone's sexuality, whether they are gay, bisexual or straight, is something they are either born with, or is something that develops within the first few years of each person's life. No one ever makes a choice to be lesbian or bisexual or straight, it is just one part of who you are. Those experts in human sexuality believe that being lesbian, gay or bisexual is just as normal for some people as being straight is for others. Perhaps it isn't as common, but it is just as normal."

And that is all I have to say for now.  
**CherryBlossoms: **i acctually think i got the same e-mail and thank u for understanding Shika . . . well acctually i dont not support gays, if that makes any sense, i just dont agree with their values, most of them are 100 democratic and anti-bush (which i can understand but still bush has done alot of good too)  
**Karasu: **YOU'RE AN ASS. YOU SUPPORT LESBIANS BUT YOU DON'T SUPPORT GAYS??

B

S  
**CherryBlossoms: **acctually i dont support lesbians . . . there just isnt anything wrong w/ them  
**Karasu: **ugh. i've heard enough. bd.  
**CherryBlossoms: **and so ur being one sided and only understanding ur side of the story sounds pretty bitchy to me  
**Sandman: **Honestly I do not support gays, but I will say some of them are more loyal to their partner than legit couples. But I mean it is a free country and if you want to be gay then by all means be gay. It's not like its going to change my view on anyone if they are gay or not, I'll love all you guys the same  
**TheAllSeeing: **Wait, no, Sakura's saying she doesn't support their VALUES, a different, issue. But she's still lumping all gays and lesbians into one category of values, which is like saying _all _girls are evil pyschotic freaks' that stab people.  
**CherryBlossoms: **ok . . . ummm when did i say that all girls are psycotic killers, all i said was that i dont agree with their values. And i understand and accept gay people, u just dont support them, im allowed to have my own oppinion right?! im able to think whatever i want about whoever and no1 can change that, i am me and thats that. You may think differantly and i accept that as u should accept my oppinion.  
**TheAllSeeing: **The girl thing was an example. But anyway, YOU have to watch what you say here. This isn't the first time you've messed with people on this issue. A lot of people who are on this forum are gay, bi, or highly supportive of gays and bis. You can't just say things like that if you can't justify them.  
**Lazy Genius: **Well, Sakura, can you please answer my question? How do their values differ from anyone elses?  
**CherryBlossoms: **. . . ummm let me just make it clear that i dont hate gay people, i just dont support them  
**Lazy Genius: **Okay, okay, we get that. But this is the THIRD time I will ask. I'm attempting to ask politely: Explain how homosexuals peoples VALUES are different from a heterosexual person's? Besides the obvious. Now, see, here's the thing. WHAT VALUES? Why do homosexual people have different values than heterosexual people? The fact that they value having a same sex partner? That one?

--

This whole argument just went on and on and on.

I came to know this as Sakura's 'social suicide'.

Perhaps what made me the angriest at her words was the fact that she was insulting me. Maybe not me _exactly_, and I know it wasn't me _intentionally_, but that was what I felt. This was because Sakura never really explained _why _she felt the way she did, and then there was the fact that the whole thing with me liking Sasuke was happening while she was saying all of these things.

Without meaning to, she was making _me_ feel horrible, which made me feel so incredibly angry with her that it made me feel even worse. She was my friend, or was supposed to be my friend. Friends don't do that to one another.

0o0o0

_You'll put your eyes to the sun and say "I know."  
You're only blinded to keep back what the clouds are hiding  
And we might have started singing just a little soon  
We're throwing stones in a glass room  
Whoa oh oh it's a miserable story  
Whoa oh oh far from the genuine becoming . . ._

0o0o0

**Lazy Genius:** What do you have?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Okay.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** So you know how I wrote that little story and then tacked the Friend poem on the end?  
**Lazy Genius:** . . . yeah?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I wrote a second part to it.  
**Lazy Genius:** Okay.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Here:  
**Lazy Genius:** I trust your writing abilities. I don't need to read it right now.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Oh.  
**Lazy Genius:** Send it.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** !!  
**Tokala-Neuf: **What??  
**Lazy Genius:** SEND IT.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Okay.  
**Lazy Genius:** Did you send it?  
**Lazy Genius:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I did it.  
**Lazy Genius:** Breathe.  
**Tokala-Neuf: **And I think he's online right now.  
**Lazy Genius:** Breathe.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** He IS on.  
**Lazy Genius:** BREATHE.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I AM breathing!!  
**Tokala-Neuf:** He's on.  
**Lazy Genius:** Did he answer?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I don't know.  
**Lazy Genius:** Check.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Checking.  
**Lazy Genius:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** He answered.  
**Lazy Genius:** Breathe.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Breathing.  
**Lazy Genius:** What did he say?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I don't know.  
**Lazy Genius:** Read it.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Okay.  
**Lazy Genius:** . . .  
**Lazy Genius:** What did he say?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** 'Huh,'  
**Tokala-Neuf:** He said 'Huh, really?'!!  
**Lazy Genius:** Breathe.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Breathe.  
**Lazy Genius:** Breathe.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Okay.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** What do I do now?  
**Lazy Genius:** I don't know.  
**Lazy Genius:** Reply.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I did.  
**Lazy Genius:** And . . . ?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** I asked him if he understood what I was saying.  
**Lazy Genius:** And . . . ?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** He hasn't answered yet.  
**Lazy Genius:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf: **He's sending me an IM.  
**Lazy Genius:** Talk to HIM now. Talk to ME tomorrow in study hall.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Okay.

0o0o0

_There's a fine line between love and hate  
And I don't mind  
Just let me say that I like that  
I like that_

_Something's getting in the way  
Something's just about to break  
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane  
As I burn another page  
As I look the other way  
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane  
So tell me how it should be . . ._

0o0o0

**Karasu:** Hey.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Hi.  
**Karasu:** So . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . .  
**Karasu:** Really?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Did you get it?  
**Karasu:** Yeah. So . . . really?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Yeah.  
**Karasu:** I'm so bad at things like this.  
**Tokala-Neuf: **So . . . ummm . . . what do you think?  
**Karasu:** That's cool.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** What do you mean?  
**Karasu:** Just . . .  
**Tokala-Neuf:** What?  
**Karasu:** I'm flattered.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Okay.  
**Karasu:** I still want to be friends.  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Me too!  
**Karasu:** Was that it?  
**Tokala-Neuf:** Yeah. I think so. Thanks.

0o0o0

_And you've been hiding in the shadows  
Have you forgotten how we used to dream  
Well let me remind you  
That the light doesn't blind you at all  
It just helps you see, can't you see?_

0o0o0

"Where the heck are we going again?" I asked as I followed Shikamaru through the school hallways after all our classes had ended.

"It's a club. I think you should join with us."

"Who's 'us'?" I was interested in joining, but I still had no idea what I was joining or who would be there.

"Well, it's me, you, Sai, Temari, and Kankuro."

"Kankuro?"

" . . . that's right. You haven't met him yet."

"People aside, then . . . _what_ am I joining?"

"R.A. -- The Rainbow Alliance. It's a diversity club. We specialize in unity across sexual preferences. I guess that's how you describe it."

"Ah . . . "

The club elections were held the week after my first day there. We voted for the president -- Sai won against Temari -- and then vice president -- Kankuro won against another girl I didn't know. Next was secretary, which Shikamaru won, and then I was volunteered to be treasurer by Sai. I immedietly took control of the position when no one else was nominated.

Although there were six or so other people in the club at this point, Sai, Shikamaru, Kankuro, and Temari seemed to be the only ones who actually wanted to do anything. I know Sai only volunteered me because he knew I'd stick around for the rest of the school year, because I'd said that I would.

0o0o0

_You'll never make me leave  
I'll wear this on my sleeve  
You wanna follow something  
Give me a better cause to lead  
Just give me what I need  
Give me a reason to believe_

_So give me all your poison  
And give me all your pills  
And give me all your hopeless hearts  
And make me ill  
You're running after something  
That you'll never kill  
If this is what you want  
Then fire at will . . ._

0o0o0

"What do you have to say for yourself?"

I blinked and turned away from the computer screen, where I'd been replying to a message that Shikamaru sent me.

"What do you mean?" I finally asked after it became clear that my mother wasn't going to elaborate.

"Don't give me that! I know exactly what you're doing on that disusting site."

I can remember thinking '_once more, with clarity_', before my mother started yelling at me. I honestly don't know what she was yelling about. Just the _fact_ that she was _yelling_ at _me_ actually made me upset. It made me cry, even. In all the world, I don't think there is anything more pathetic than an adult bringing a teenager to tears simply with words.

I do remember one thing about this . . . 'conversation'.

My mom asked, "What's wrong with you? Are you gay or something?"

It was the _only _thing I could answer in her whole tirade, so I did.

"Mom, I'm bi!"

She froze before whipping around in a swirl of red hair and hurrying away. It left me sitting at my computer, completely unsure as to what had just happened, in tears.

And that was just the tip of the iceburg, so to say.

0o0o0

_Heaven's on the way,  
You can feel the hate,  
But I guess you never will,  
I'm on a roll again and I want and end,  
Cause I feel it creepin in . . ._

0o0o0

I didn't say anything about my mothers strange behaviour to anyone in school the next day. I figured it had just been some strange mood she had been in.

We had a very good relationship, under normal circumstances. I know I didn't get along with my dad as much as I did with my mom, because he was always at work.

I went home after the R.A. meeting for that week. We were working on a painting a club mural in the cafeteria.

I put my backpack on the table, then turned around to go wake up my computer, because it was hibernating. I stopped almost immedietly, staring at where my computer _should_ have been.

"Mom?! Where did my computer go?!"

"I took it away!" she shouted down the stairs from up in her and my fathers room.

"Why?" I asked as calmly as I could while I walked up the stairs to stand just outside of her bedroom.

"Because of that _disgusting_ site you're always on."

"_What_ disgusting site?!"

"That forum thing you're always on."

I mulled that over for a moment. "The forum?"

"I have an account on _that_ site. In two clicks, you can get to any pig who is willing to come pick you up and do sick things to you."

I barely kept myself from shouting at her. "I don't care what _you_ can do in two clicks! _I_take those two clicks and go to the seperate forum that _me and my friends_ at _school_ use!"

"You know what? I've been crying all day. Yesterday, you destroyed the perfect little picture I had of you in my mind. Before you start . . . "

I stopped listening for a while at this point. I'd 'destroyed the perfect little picture' she had of me? What 'perfect little picture'? How had I 'destroyed' it?

For the second time in two days, I felt like crying. Don't get me wrong; I seriously _never_ cry. This random need to was almost more than I could take.

"I'm calling your friends parents to tell them to look into this."

I froze and just barely kept myself from shouting 'Don't drag _my_ friends into _your_ problems!' Instead, I simply said, "Don't! I don't want to lose any of my friends because of whatever it is you're doing!"

"I called Sasuke's parents already. And you aren't going to lose any of your friends, silly . . . "

I turned away. What gave her the right to screw around with my life and then act like nothing had ever happened?

For the first time in my life, I slammed my door shut in my mothers face and locked it.

0o0o0

_I've put my trust in you,  
Pushed as far as I could go,  
And for all this,  
There's only one thing you should know._

_I tried so hard,  
And got so far,  
But in the end,  
It doesn't even matter.  
I had to fall,  
To lose it all,  
But in the end,  
It doesn't even matter . . ._

0o0o0

"I can't believe Sasuke is late to _school_," Shikamaru said from his place beside me. His voice indicated that he was either annoyed or worried.

"I'm sure he's fine. I just hope . . . " I debated over whether or not I should talk to Shikamaru about what my mom had said last night, but decided not to.

"You hope what?"

"Oh, nothing." I smiled slightly to reassure him and then decided to drop Sasuke a message, in case he was at home sick. He never _was_ sick, but you never knew.

We, meaning Shikamaru, Neji, Kankuro (who had been hanging around with us more often), and I, were in the school's computer lab for study hall, which we all had today, first period.

_'Hey Sasuke!_

_I hope you're doing alright. Give me a call on my cell if I don't see you today. I gave you the number, right?_

_Your friend,  
Naruto'_

I joined the other three in an interesting conversation about absolutely nothing for the rest of the period.

For the entire time, I couldn't shake the feeling that something seriously bad was going to happen. It's a hard feeling to describe. I guess it's like having butterflies in your stomach, only it's to such an extreme that it makes your stomach _twist, _until you really think that you might throw up. Maybe it's just me who gets like this; I don't know. But while my stomach is twisting and I feel nauseous, I get jittery and shaky, and I shiver. I have to tap my foot, clench my fists, and wrap my arms around myself to stop shaking. I don't know how no one else notices when I do that.

I plastered a smile onto my face when the bell rang, and I started to complain to Neji.

"Come on. Get your books, close down, sign out. God, Neji, you're so slow.. Kankuro, go to the column, Neji's taking forever."

Shikamaru had already left, if I remember correctly. He normally goes straight to his second period class, which is Global History, right after the bell rings.

When Neji was finally done, we started our walk down the hall. I tried my hardest to see through the crowded hallway to see if Sasuke had shown up. When we were close enough to see, I smiled for real and raised a hand half way in greeting.

"Hello! How are . . . " I didn't finish speaking, because Sasuke had turned around to face me.

Later, I would take a marker and completely black out the day on my calender. Right now, no matter how much I want it to just disappear from my memory, I remember.

The worst day of my life: February 8th, 2008.

The only way I can even _think _of describing him -- Sasuke -- at that moment would be with the word "shattered." Everyone who was there, Lee, Sai, Kiba, and Kankuro, was silent and confused, wondering what _exactly_ was wrong.

I knew before Sasuke even opened his mouth. I find it somewhat funny, thinking about it now. Not this whole thing, but the fact that as soon as our eyes met, all the dams broke and we just hugged each other, right there in the hallway, and cried and cried, while Lee joined in, telling us that whatever it was it, wasn't our fault, and Sai started rubbing my back, or maybe both of our backs, I don't know. But while this was happeneing, no one else in the hallway stopped to see what was going on. Not another student, not a teacher, not even one of the security guards. _That_ was what I found funny.

Sasuke managed to choke out the words, "My parents said that I'm not allowed to talk to you anymore. I can't call, I can't e-mail you, I can't go to your house. We can't talk to each other -- at all."

We had to go our separate ways, then. Not permanently, just for class.

I walked to English, trying to dry my eyes with one hand while Sai had grabbed my other.

"Come on. You go to the bathroom and I'll tell Mrs . . . "

"No." I squared my jaw, took a breath, and chased away my tears, patting them down with my shirt sleeve. It's strange how little things stick with you; I was wearing my favorite grey shirt, the one with the hole that my thumb always manages to poke through. "Come on. We have that stupid quiz to take."

So, as I'd said we should, we went right into the classroom to take our quiz. It was something about the effect the Norman conquest had on literature. As soon as I sat down, I took out a pen, wrote my name across the top of my paper, and then broke down. I was crying, not making a noise for fear of disturbing the silent classroom, and writing down random sentences to put together _anything_ for my teacher.

The announcements came on and I wrote down my final sentence before pocketing my pen. I tried my best to regain some semblence of composure, but it was almost too hard for me to manage. It was for Sai's sake, really. He would worry.

"Sai?" My teacher called across the chatting classroom.

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Mr. Umino wants you in the guidance office."

"Thank you, ma'am."

He met me at the door as soon as the bell rang.

"I failed that quiz." I insisted hoarsely. Later, I would laugh. I didn't fail. I got a solid 85.

"It was just a quiz, don't worry." I could practically hear him bite his lip, even if I couldn't bring myself to look at his face. "Are you any better?" He was hovering just at my shoulder.

"No," I admitted. That one, single word set me off again. I started crying, _again_, walking down the hallway. That was the probably the worst part. I never cried, and right now, I couldn't stop. The thought that this was the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to me in school briefly crossed my mind. I just didn't care though.

Sai is never touchy-feely, unless it's in an 'I'm molesting you _now_' kind of way. Despite that, I always knew that he was a truly kind person. He proved that right then and there, when he grabbed me and half hugged, half hid me from anyone who _could_ have cared. Not that anyone really did.

"This isn't the way to my math class. And it isn't the way to the band room. And I know that's your next period class because I stalk you," I mumbled miserably trying to make a joke.

"I'm going to guidance, and you're coming with me. You aren't going anywhere alone," he said in a determined voice. "We're going the long way, because there will be fewer people, once we get out of the Senior Hallway."

I didn't say a single word of thanks. Not then. Not even now, towards the end of May, as I'm writing this. I honestly can't thank him enough.

We finally got to the door to the guidance office and Sai let me go, pushing his way through.

"Oh, hi, Sai." Mr. Umino said. "Naruto." He smiled at me faintly before turning toward his office. "I just wanted to ask if you thought we should finish up painting the ocean on the mural."

"Let's wait for next week," Sai answered.

"Alright." We were just outside Mr. Umino's office when he turned toward us. "Well that was . . . Naruto? Are you alright?"

I simply shook my head. Sai was instantly at my side, rubbing between my shoulder blades.

"Oh dear . . . come in."

For the next twenty minutes, we sat and talked. I cried _more _and Sai held my hand. Mr. Umino finally asked something I could answer clearly and decicevly; "Do you think your friend -- Sasuke -- is upset right now? Should I call him down?"

I nodded quickly and told him where Sasuke was right then; in his English class, which was currently in the library reseaching for a paper. I think I may have startled Mr. Umino with that; I wasn't in any of his classes, besides band, but I knew where he was every minute of the day. Spanish, then Global, then English. After that was Earth Science with that guy, Orochimaru, who we _swear_ is a pedophile. After that was band, with me, sixth was math, seventh was lunch, and eighth was either Study Hall, Gym, or Lab with the pedophile.

After a few minutes, Sasuke came in, looking slightly more together than he had been the first time I had seen him in the morning. Seeing him upset made me angry, and then made me more upset. It was an endless cycle. We stayed in Mr. Umino's room until the end of the period, and then he had to leave to go to a meeting, so we had to leave.

Before we left, I grabbed Sai and asked him if he wanted to walk into town. He seemed surprised, but he agreed. I said goodbye, and the three of us went our separate ways.

I went upstairs, to Chemistry, where I re-met with Sasuke briefly in the hall. I talked aimlessly to Tenten and the guy who we were friends with, who sat in front of me, and managed to make my mind go to where it simply stopped thinking. I was on auto-pilot.

Next, I went to band. Sasuke and I barely spoke. He took his seat when the class started, we began playing, and I just _couldn't. _I couldn't play a single note.

We parted. I went to French and barely held together. Then I went to global, with Lee, and I faked a few smiles. Eighth period I had Chem lab, and I called home to say I was walking into town. My mom asked how Sasuke was, and I said, "I need to talk to you about that," before I just hung up my phone.

I walked into town with Sai, Lee, and Kiba. Kiba left us early, because he lives just on the edge of town, and we were walking past his house. The other two and I went to the town library and found a secluded corner table upstairs.

Sai was picked up at 5:30. My mom picked up Lee and myself at 6. We dropped him off at his house. By time we got to the end of his driveway, my mom had started talking. By the time we had gotten onto the road, we were shouting at one another.

When we got home, I went straight upstairs to collapse on my bed. My head hurt from crying all day. It really only got worse, though, until I fell asleep.

0o0o0

_I don't love you anymore,  
Is all I remember you telling me,  
Never have I felt so cold,  
But I've no more blood to bleed,  
Cause my heart is draining into the sea . . ._

0o0o0

The weekend passed in an almost literal blur. What I _do_ remember, though, wasn't exactly 'happy'.

My mom _promised _she would call Sasuke's parents and talk -- no, _plead_ -- with them. I figured that was good. This was _her_ problem, _her _fault. She might as well be the one to fix it. She mentioned something about why Sauske was the only friend of mine she'd called. First off, his was the only phone number she knew. Secondly, she said that out of all my friends, he was the only one that she really cared for.

We went out as a family on Sunday, the tenth. We didn't have a set destination. We wound up in a craft store in town.

People sometimes laugh when I say this, and then ask 'really?' Despite this occasional reaction, I happen to be good at artsy things. Painting, sculpting, some drawing.

Walking through that store with a straight face was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Valentine's day was right around the corner, and I'd been planning to make something for everyone. You know, a cute little necklace for the girls, something a little less 'cute' for the guys. This was because I was a nice person, and no one ever really gave anything to their friends in High School, unless they were dating.

I hit absolute rock bottom that day, and I won't lie. I got home, went upstairs, sat on the edge of my bed, and didn't move. I never thought I had one, but I guess that everyone really does have one of those little voices. They're the ones that like to make you think about bad things that make you cry, and then whisper 'So, how can you kill yourself?'

I never pegged myself for suicidal, and I was always right about that. I laughed at that voice, the thought, the side of myself which could even dare to breathe _that_. I remember clearly thinking the words, _Sasuke was devastated not being able to **speak** with me. Where the **hell** would he be if I **killed **myself? And what about everyone else?_

0o0o0

_I got a heart full of pain,  
__Head full of stress  
Head full of anger,  
__Held in my chest  
And everything left's a waste of time  
I hate my rhymes,  
But hate everyone else's more  
I'm riding on the back of this pressure  
Guessing that it's better I can't keep myself together  
Because all of this stress gave me something to write on  
The pain gave me something I could set my sights on . . ._

0o0o0

I got a lot of "how are you doing?'s" that next week. I always answered with a shrug and an 'mmm . . . ' Then, people would always say, "oh. That's a stupid question."

My mother _finally _called Sasuke's parents. She tried to explain whatever it was that she said to his parents the first time that she'd called. After a lot of talking, it was done. The ban was lifted.

I thought that everything would be back to normal by now.

I think Sasuke has started acting how he used to. I don't think that _I_ have, yet.

It's a little bit of an emotional, mental thing. I lack the words to make a long, flowery reason _why_, but the basic idea is that I believe I'm pushing him away. Whether or not it's really noticable to anyone but myself, I think that we aren't as close as we used to be. And it isn't his fault, it's mine.

0o0o0

_Will the dice ever roll?  
When will I ever know?  
Will the plot ever twist?  
Or will I resist?  
I've been playing the part of the lost realist,  
Why do I rush to slow down?_

0o0o0

"Psst . . . "

"What's up, Sasuke?"

"I have to tell you something," he said, casting his eyes about.

"What?"

"Well . . . " he glanced around nervously. He ducked his head and walked quicker. "Shit. I'll tell you in a minute." He hurried into the cage room in the band hall to get his instrument. When he came back, he crouched down next to me. "Okay. Okay. Here's the deal."

I was confused for a moment as he babbled about something for a minute. Finally, he spat out a sentence that made me pause. "Wait, what?"

"I think I like Kiba."

"Oh. Huh."

0o0o0

_So when you're asking me I want you to know . . .  
When my time comes,  
Forget the wrong that I've done,  
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed,  
And don't resent me,  
And when you're feeling empty,  
Keep me in your memory,  
Leave out all the rest . . ._

0o0o0

I decided to have a party on April 12th of this year. I basically used my half birthday as an excuse to get everyone together.

Sasuke, Shikamaru, Lee, Kankuro, Tenten, Sai, Kiba, and Choji managed to show up. I invited Hinata, but she couldn't come, and Neji, but he just _didn't_ show up, even though he said he'd come.

It was a lot like ourstandard parties; Spin-the-bottle-truth-or-dare (this was our tradition, as cheesy as it sounds), sitting in my room talking, pizza, cake. We had a couple exceptions to this. These included the spontaneous dance party in the hall, waltzing in my room, 'breaking the bed', where everyone piled onto my bed to 'cuddle' and see if it could hold everyone, archery in the backyard, wrestling, and a guy crossdressing and looking good while doing it. The final exception was a group picture. I guess I was feeling a little sentimental at the time, but I decided that we needed one or five. I printed out a copy for everyone and framed them and them gave them out as everyone was leaving.

0o0o0

_I had to face the fact,  
You ruin it all.  
You can't see me,  
I stay in the shadows till you're gone,  
__Waiting just to see you cry.  
You can't find me,  
No matter where you look,  
I won't be around,  
I'll be right behind you . . ._

0o0o0

It was like any day, besides the depressing amount of rain that was pouring out of the sky.

"Naru-chan!"

I'd just gotten off my bus in the morning at school. I paused for a moment, which gave Lee ample time to run and glomp me. Sasuke was right behind him, although he didn't glomp me. He gave me a brief smile, blink of his eyes, and a 'morning, Naru-chan.' He really isn't much of a morning person.

"How are you?!" That was Lee once again -- he's loud at all times of the day, but that's alright. Something would be wrong if he wasn't.

"Mmm . . . pretty good, actually."

0o0o0

_I tried to be perfect,  
It just wasn't worth it,  
Nothing could ever be so wrong,  
It's hard to believe me,  
It never get's easy,  
I guess I knew that all along . . ._

* * *

_FINI!! Review?? MERCI!!_

_Of note: I couldn't have finished typing if it hadn't been for Anjelica/Shikamaru, who stepped in after the **15th** time this damn document deleted itself. You have NO idea how painfullretyping IM conversations can be after a while._

_Also of note: I thought people might make a comment about the pedophile teacher. He's quite real. That guy is REALLY creepy, and it isn't just the people in my group of friends who thinks that._

_I'm sorry if there were any annoying spelling errors here . . . Some of them were intentional (like in the IM and Forum conversations, because those where just taken, for the most part, from actual conversations), but others weren't. The computer I'm using doesn't have Microsoft Word, so I can't get a spell checker that can actually work. I'll get that fixed as soon as I can._


	3. This is How it Ends

_Author's Note: First off...I'm back. Kind of, for the most part. I'll be going through my stories on this account and on my previous, editing them, though not changing content, as I like the stories, but my writing style from three or so years back makes me want to weep. Alongside this editing process, I will begin working on completing stories I've tossed to the side, such as **New Script** from this account, and **Take You Home**, which will be transferred over to this account, as well as writing new ones, such as the long awaited sequel to **Just Normal**, which is called **The Ghost of You**. I'm very thankful for my neurotic OCD, which forced me to write detailed timelines and scene descriptions for **GoY**, otherwise I would have just dropped the idea and never gone back to it.  
_

_In other news, I wish I could make this update more storylike, but this is really just closure, so I can put this to rest. Way too many things have happened in the past few years for me to accurately depict them, so here is an abrupt style change for you in the flow of this story.  
_

* * *

It's sad to say, but this section of my life has ended. I wish I could say that everything has turned out happy, but you wouldn't believe me if I told you that, would you? And you shouldn't. I would be lying. These friends I thought I could not live without are sadly, for the most part, no longer here. Life has shown me who I can count on. Distressingly, some of the people I wish were here no longer seem to care. Where to begin…? I'll just be very blunt.

**Myself:**  
I so wish I could say that I, to this day, am a happy person 100% of the time. I would like to say that my mind has never failed me; that I've never been dumped into the pits of despair—I can't. Between my sophomore year of high school and mid to late senior year, I fell into a horrible depression that I hid from everyone, which revolved around two pitiful issues—withering relationships with everyone I knew and self-injury. It took a lot of help from the new light in my life—a partner who shall remain nameless—and a hell of a lot of personal conviction to climb out of it, but I'm thankful to this day that I've managed it, and have resolved myself to finding ways to keep myself from getting there again.

I've gone away to college now, and will be moving back at the end of the week to start my sophomore year, which I hope will be much less eventful than my sophomore year of high school was. In college, I've met an array of new people, and am hoping to hold onto these ones for at least a good five or so years, though I have come to a point in relationships where if it doesn't work out, I won't bat an eye. I suppose hurt does that to you?

Speaking of hurt, my relationship with my mother never returned to what it once was, though I've never hated her. She recently went on this kick to prove that I've hated her since that time sophomore year…**  
**

**Hinata:**  
After years of being able to count on her, she drifted away. We didn't talk for a long time, until the end of senior year, where she made every last ditch effort to be around me. The ulterior motive? She's been crushing on me for years, and wanted so badly for me to notice her before I left for college. After an entirely out of character threat against my boyfriend, we haven't spoken, which is a pity. I thought she'd always be there; my first friend.**  
**

**Choji:**  
We haven't spoken since a fight my junior year. I tried once to talk to him since then, and was met with a resounding "fuck off".

**Gaara:**  
Aside from the few conversations sophomore year that I had with him, I haven't spoken to him in more than passing for years. He drifted off my radar, and I heard he developed split personalities and delved deeply into drugs. That may have just been a rumor, though. He is moving back upcountry, though, so who knows. Maybe we'll see one another in the future.

**Sasuke:**  
I have so, so many things I wish I could say about Sasuke. We patchily tried to hold our friendship together over the past few years, but things just never went back to being the same. He dated Kiba briefly, then the two of them broke up. We ended up going away to the same college, which we were excited about. We thought we'd end up getting close once again, but we were very wrong. He dated someone briefly, they broke up on good terms, and I became friendly with his ex, who was lonely and lacked friends, as the ex had spent the first few weeks occupied with Sasuke, rather than making friends.

After the first few months, I saw less and less of him. He didn't answer texts as often, and he didn't go to class with me anymore. I invited him to dinner and to hang out, and he always accepted, only to turn me down just before we would leave for food, or to go to one another's dorms. Naturally, this was a kick to my psyche, which threatened my very stability, so I was forced to have a long, awkward conversation with my roommate, which can basically be boiled down to "I suffer/suffered from crippling depression, and I have a history of self-injury. If I ask you, please don't leave me alone in the room."

These are facts Sasuke never got to know. After Fall semester, he completely stopped talking to me, going so far as to delete me off of certain social networking sites without so much as a goodbye, and avoiding me when he sees me around campus, as though I have a disease that will kill him. I've recently found myself wishing he was still around, as there are things I used to talk to him about that no one around me shares an interest in now. I hope that we've just had a misunderstanding, but I don't know that I'll ever find out.

**Sakura: **  
She committed social suicide and I never really had a conversation with her after that that held any weight. I spoke lightly with her in passing during classes in the remainder of high school, but haven't heard from her since.

**Temari:  
**She committed a social suicide of sorts, and I haven't spoken with her in years. I've heard that she's found someone she's happy with, though, and is engaged, and if that's true, I'm happy for her.

**Sai**:  
I go through fits of not talking with Sai, and then I'll talk to him every day for weeks. After February 8th of that year, we became very close, and along with Shikamaru, we went everywhere together. We became very close my junior year of high school, and continued being close into my senior year, in which I revisited a brief crush I'd had on him. I became rather fanatical about it, whiling away my time hoping he'd notice me in that way, but he never did, which I am grateful for. I fear if we had dated, it would have ruined our friendship, and that is something I prize.

After going to community college for two years, he's decided to transfer, and he will be joining me in my college. With Sai being the person he is, I know this will end up being a good thing, and being in the same school again will bring us closer again, which I think I need. My wavering friendships barely support me, most of the time, and I would really like his stability again.

**Lee: **  
I sort of drifted away from Lee partway through high school, though it is by no means his fault. It had everything to do with me and depression, and not being able to cope with things, while he was bright and chipper constantly. If things were different, I could see us still being close. Perhaps he will read this and know I don't hate him, and have never hated him.

**Kiba: **  
He is an odd one. I rarely speak with him, but whenever I do, he's like a ray of sunshine, and always says exactly the right thing. Out of everyone, I know if I showed up outside his house, I'd be able to just pick everything up where I left off, and he would never miss a beat. We haven't spoken in a while, though.

**Shikamaru: **  
Somewhere, in the mess of our lives, Shikamaru has become a shining star to me. We've been very close since a personal tragedy struck him our junior year, in which someone close to him died. We've spent countless hours together, in person, on the phone, over calls on skype. Partway through our senior year, he started a relationship with someone, which struck a blow to our friendship, and then to further widen the gap, he moved, but we bulled through it with the knowledge that no matter what was thrown at us, we'd still be close in the end, and that we'd always be able to count on one another. He's still shaky after the end of that horrible relationship, but I'm working with him to help him pick up the pieces of things he was forced to throw down. Somehow, we'll manage, and we'll continue to support one another, like the brothers we've come to find we are to each other.

My…this isn't how you thought it would end, was it?

* * *

_End note: If I really wanted to, I'm fairly sure I could start this story again, changing which characters represent who in my life, but somehow, it just won't work out the same way. I know I could also spin this off into stories about the strange three person team of Naruto-Shikamaru-Sai, and all the adventures between. That would sit better in my mind. As it is, it seems rather unlikely to happen. Actually...I do have inspiration for an interesting oneshot for a Naru-Shika-Sai story. Perhaps I'll write that sometime._


End file.
